Week 10 -- "B" Truthful

B has decided to take this week off to bask in the sun and catch up on her non-needed beauty rest. As she lounges lazily on her favorite pillow sewn by her Nana (that of a houndstooth material which perfectly compliments B's very own coloring -- no doubt, a pillow chose on purpose), I, the most diligent scribe and adoring mother of B, now turn to a new bard. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Austen "The Monster" Terrell as our in-house dogvotionalist for week 10. May God help us all.

Let us begin...




(Cough, cough) Hi, guys! Um. I'm Austen? But, you probably already knew that. Most of my friends call me "The Monster." Well, no they don't. That's just my big sister, B. I don't think she likes me too much sometimes, but Mom says she's just being moody. Girls....can't live with them; can't live without them. Well, after being "fixed" a few weeks ago, Momma says I don't need girls no more. I don't know what all of this "fixed" business is about -- I mean, I wasn't broken! And why fix something that isn't broken? I guess I'll have to save that question for my big brother...he always catches me up on that stuff.

Anyways, Mom tells me that I have to write some sort of dogvotional? What's a dogvotional? Sounds pretty stupid to me. I'd much rather be jumping or running or barking or taking toys from everyone. I mean, writing? Boooooorrrrrriiiiinnnnggg. But, she says I'll be grounded if I don't do it - so I'm trying to put these big paws into typing action. Mom? This is ridiculous...my paw takes up like seven keys! I can't even type a letter without getting six more with it. Stupid...stupid..stupid... Fine! I'll do it.

Okay, so I've been thinking about what to write about for a really, really long time...like 5 whole minutes. You see, 5 minutes of my time is some major clockage. Normally I lose interest in things after only a few seconds...Oh boy, here I go again. Way off subject. Geeze, Mom, this really is dumb.

OKAY! I'm writing about "B"ing Truthful today. I don't know why I have to type "B" like that..I mean, B is nothing special. I'm the special one. I can do tricks and stuff, and what can B do? Sleep. Yeah. Sleeeeeeep. Not cool. I'm cool. I think this dogvotional thing should be called "The Word of Austen." Isn't that better? Yes? See, B, I'm cooler than you.

So, I'm talking about "B"ing Truthful today, like I said earlier. And, honestly, it's just good to be truthful. That way you don't get into trouble, like me...all the time. I have a real problem with telling the truth sometimes. Like, okay!! I'll confess...the other day it was muddy outside. And, I LOVE mud. I like to paw it especially. Just dig my paws into the mud and rub them all around in it. Well, anyway, magically the back door flew open...and there was no one there! No adult or anything. So, of course, I flew through the door, past the kitchen and plopped my muddy paws right onto my mom's freshly cleaned carpet. I then practiced my 360's but cutting sharp circles on that carpet. Man, was it fun. I don't know how this happened, but the carpet somehow began to change colors...from a beige-ish color to mud brown. I'm not saying it was my paws or anything....okay, yes I am. It was my muddy paws that made the carpet brown. But, no one saw me! And, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? Gotcha thinking up there, huh? Since no one saw me -- who was to say it was me? So, naturally, I put on my "Mr. Cool" persona, check my paws to make sure they're clean, and waltz back outside the still-open door to pretend like nothing happened.

When I heard Momma's fateful scream -- I already knew what to do. She ran outside to see which of us was to blame: "Austen!? Did you get my floor muddy?" Oh no, Momma, not this cool cat. And, I rolled on my back, pretending to be asleep. I even daintly left a pall pointing in my big brother Luke's direction as a suggestion.
"Luke! Heavens forbid it was my good boy Luke!" You know it, Momma, read 'em and weep. So, she put Luke into the kennel for some time out and I got some peanut butter on a treat for being such a wonderful doggie son. Oh, the life.

And, it all the glory was good...for a while. And then, I started to feel bad. Really, really bad. But, it isn't until on this dumb dogvotional that I have finally confessed. Momma! Do you hear me?? I confessed!! That's gotta be good for something right? Like a treat or something? No? Bonkers.

Seriously though, it's important to be truthful because it's the right thing to do. And, by the look on Momma's face right now, I know I'm gonna get it later. Dang. Oh well, I gotta practice what I preach! I think I'm going to be a little more truthful next time around...or maybe just stay out of the mud.

Now I'm supposed to do some thing where you raise your right hand? Okay? Okay. Raise your right hand, or paw, and repeat after me, Austen -- the cool one: "Oh great Austen, you are so wise and so courageous for admitting your faults. I wish to be more like you. I will pass along your wisdom to evey person or pet I see, and promise to be back next week, when B returns, for another enstallment of her dogvotionals."

Week 9 -- "B" Green

Happy St. Patrick's Day, most valiant readers! I hope you all adorned green this most splendid day, and if not, I hope you were all met with happy embraces and not dreadful pinches.

For week 9, we will look at ways to "B" green. Now, when I say "B" green, I don't mean "B"ing "green with envy," rather, I hope that you all, splendid readers, will "B" able to "B" more eco-friendly.

See, there are many reasons to practice "B"ing green, if not just for my sake alone. You should "B" green so that we can all make our planet less polluted and live on a bit longer. Personally, I think everyone should practice "B"ing green for animals, especially me because I'm a Princess and everyone knows that Princesses deserve special treatment.

Oh, and if you don't believe I'm a Princess -- refer to the picture for evidence below:



Now, how does one, such as my faithful readers, go about "B"ing green?

Well, there are many, many ways. I will review my most personal favorite that specifically involve me!

First, whenever you're at home and looking for something to do, instead of reaching for the remote control, why not take your pet on a walk? Not only does it save electricity and energy from television usage, but it uses up your pet's energy, and everyone knows that a tired dog is a good dog. Personally, I love walks as long as I'm in my harness and I receive lots of treats along the way. No walk is a good walk without treats.

Next, when we get back from our walk, and I'm am thoroughly exhausted -- let me slumber in peace. Please refrain from turning on the television again -- you may wake me, and reach for a book, preferably one about me or penned by me. Reading not only, yet again, saves energy, but also increases your intelligence! And everyone knows, an intelligent pet owner is a good pet owner.

Thirdly, on a nice, sunny, Spring day -- why not turn off the air conditioner and open the windows for a lovely breeze, oh wonderful readers? Not only does it save energy, but it also offers me the chance to sun bathe in the light. It also makes me extremely frisky so that I may want to play fetch with you! How exciting!

My last favorite way to "B" green is when you give me toys and chews that are eco-friendly! These toys are not made in factories using harmful emissions, and are put together with recycled materials. They are so much fun to play with and are good for our environment, too!

You see, fair readers, "B"ing green goes beyond St. Patrick's Day. Sure, a little bit of green may bring us luck on March 17th every year, but living green brings us enjoyment the whole year through! By "B"ing green we are not only living better lives, but promoting better lives for each other and for our environment.

So, "B" green for our environment and for me!

In conclusion, I hope you enjoyed the dogvotional for today. Though I am but a mere dog, I like to point out every so often that I am quite worldly, and know the ways of you humans. Please be nice to the environment so that we may all live long prosperous lives and so that the generations beyond us may as well!

Please raise your right hand, or right paw, and repeat after me: "I, (state your name), do here solemnly swear to 'B' green in my lifestyle for this week. I will turn off my television and open my windows and hope that the environment is better for it. I am thankful for B: The Dogvotionalist and her wisdom and will be back next week for further guidance."

See you all next week, my dear ones --
B: The Dogvotionalist

Week 8 -- "B" Aware of Your Surroundings

Greetings, fair readers!

My apologies on this "B"ing a rather late dogvotional, but never-the-less the show must go on! And this week, we have a very special show indeed.

To preface: My father has been out of town here lately for his work. Why people ever go out of town is beyond me -- you can see just as much around your own house as you can other places. Even places that my dad goes to like Dubai. Who would ever go to such a place? Especially when it's called...Dubai...Uh! I'd rather die than go to Dubai. A poetess, I know.

To begin: I have been left here alone by my father, as I mentioned earlier, to be with my brothers and mother (aka Scribe) for the next week. Agony, I must regretfully say....absolute agony. Normally, my dad is always around to watch me and pet me and talk to me and so on. He always makes sure that his full attention is on me and my spectacular being. I can always count on him to thoughtfully gaze upon my every action and linger on my every bark. Sadly, however; my dear old dad is not here to pay attention to me. So, now, beyond horrors of all horrors, I must vie for my mom's undivided attention...between my brothers.

When I first thought about the task of taking all the attention from my brothers, I thought it would be quite easy. See, I'm a most ravishing dog with graceful coloring and perfectly proportioned limbs. My brothers, on the other hand, are....for lack of a better descriptive word..weird. They look weird. Why would anyone willingly put their whole attention on them? Yet again, beyond me. Needless to say, however; this task was not as easy as I thought.

See, my mother tries to be fair with us all, and spend equal individual time devoted to our every need. "Pish Posh!" I say! My brothers are smelly and large, not delicate and petite like myself, they should require merely a quarter of the attention I deserve. But, alas, my mother proves to be a "maiden of equality." So, we all get our equal time of her undivided attention. Such misery... Who is to see when I perfectly plop myself on a cushion? Or yawn in harmony with the birds? Who will account for my self-grooming habits or praise me when I bask in the sunlight? You see?! No brother of mine is so deserving of attention. But, be it the first time, I am wrong.

So, what dogvotional must I present from all of this information? Only a simple one, my dears: "B" aware of your surroundings.

What does this have to do with B not having all of the attention? You may ask yourself.

Oh, you must see, my gentle ones, that when I am not being supervised, or rather, gazed upon, that I must "B" aware of my surroundings in order to keep myself safe.
That's the important point to clue in on here: you must always practice "B"ing safe when you are alone.

Case in point, readers: Often, my mother tends to take my brothers on a walk around our neighborhood. She does this to exercise their poor souls, but in the midst of such a thoughtful action on her part, she forgets that I am LEFT ALONE! I am no pooch to be pardoned from human contact, and yet she leaves me alone for these walks. Leaves me alone, I should say, to protect the home front, to make sure no foul varmint comes into our lair. And though I don't appear to be that of a watch dog, I most certainly am! So, in order to keep myself and my home safe until my brothers and mother return, I practice "B"ing aware of my surroundings.

Any noise or creak -- watch out! -- I'll bark! I jump down from my throne upon the top of the couch and quietly patrol the perimeter. If I see a shadow -- watch out! -- I'll bark. And heavens forbid an actual stranger should appear, because -- watch out! -- I'll bark.

See, in order to "B" aware of your surroundings, you must take into account all that is around you. Now, you must look over your surroundings again and take note of any changes in them. If they are bad, say for instance, an intruder, be sure to have some sort of battle cry ready. For me, that's my bark, for you, perhaps a scream, or a call to 911. Whichever, just be prepared.

Now, why must you "B" aware of your surroundings? To ensure your own safety of course. Normally, I can always count on my parents to keep me out of harm's way, but today, I have to rely on my own inner strength and intuition to know when it's time to bark! and when it's time to dart! In other words, you need to know when it's time to defend yourself and when it's time to just plain get out of there.

It's important to "B" aware of your surroundings so that you can be ready for any situation that occurs, also you want to "B" aware of your surroundings so that you can take charge of anything that comes your way.

Some people say that "B"ing aware of your surroundings is only for chickens..well, last time I checked, I'm no chicken and I am quite certain that my Papa Alan Hart, who first told my mom to "B" aware of her surroundings as a young girl, is no chicken either. So, "B" aware of your surroundings in order to "B" smart and "B" safe! There's no better way to "B!"

In conclusion, everyone please practice "B"ing aware of their surroundings this week. Also, please say a prayer for my dad that he returns home safely from that awful Dubai place that took him away from me!

And, now, as we do every week, please raise your right hand, or paw, and repeat after me, "I, (state your name), reader of B's Dogvotionals, promise to uphold the message of this week by "B"ing aware of my surroundings. If trouble comes near me, I will have my battle cry ready and be thankful to B that she had such wisdom to impart on me about "B"ing safe. I will "B" safe this week so that I may return for the next dogvotional, where I will then learn more from B's over-abundance of doggie wisdom. Thank you B for your intelligence, I will now "B" more aware of my surroundings because of you."

See you soon, my fair readers.
B: The Dogvotionalist

Week 7 -- "B" Supportive

I stand before you today a changed dog.

Yes, not only am I kind, forgiving, fashionable, thrifty, loving and myself, but now, I hesitate to say, I am also......supportive.

Why do I hesitate, you ask? Well, you see, it's because I'm having to B supportive towards....The Monster (My baby brother, for all you new readers out there). See, he's at the VET!!! Heavens above, I hate that word -- one of the most despicable words on the planet. I mean, honestly, could they have chosen a better word? I suggest "B" -- that way every pet would eagerly go to the...VET!!...because they would know in advance (by the word "B" of course) that the person they're going to see is kind, forgiving, fashionable....you see where I'm going with this.

Anyway, back on track. The Monster is at that evil place where they take us dogs to get shots. But, most importantly, he's there at the evil place getting his "you know what" taken off. That's right, Austen is getting neutered today. Apparently, Mom and Dad had enough of his shenanigans. I know I had.

But, I have to remember that not that long ago, I too was a young pup -- full of energy and pizazz. Well, not to the extent of The Monster, but to a point. See, The Monster apparently started "feeling his Wheaties" a few weeks ago, and thought it would be the best idea if he started to rough house with everyone non-stop. He would paw and whine and slobber all over his victims. Though no blood was shed, plenty of tears hit the ground in its stead. The Monster never messed with me though. I guess the whole saying "You mess with royalty, you get the guillotine" crept into his puny little brain.

Well, eventually Mom and Pops got tired of Austen's bouncing charades of connivery and aggression and called the one person on this planet no four legged creature wants to be called.....The VET!!!

Needless to say, Austen's (cough cough) "operation" was scheduled and now all we had to do was play the waiting game...as The Monster continually tried to victimize his involuntary opponents one paw at a time.

It's sad, really, because The Monster had absolutely no idea what was about to happen to him. See, his pea-sized brain can only process minute amounts of information, and for the .07% of the time he's not terrorizing someone, he's thinking about food. Thus, his mind is preoccupied, should I say.

I have been through this dreadful operation, have felt its painful recovery and instead of feeling the luxuriousness of revenge for The Monster's victims, I felt remorse at what poor Austen was about to experience: lack of energy, bloat, weight gain...all of the ugly parts of growing up. And, in all truth, he had no say in the matter.

So, instead of laughing today off as a lesson well deserved for a poor behaving puppy, I lift my doggie eyes up to the sky, and send out a prayer of hope and healing to my dear little brother Austen.

It went something like this: "Dear God, Princess B here with a most sincere request for safe operational procedures on my dear brother Austen. May he heal most swiftly. And may my family hope for a more comfortable home life -- that which lacks terrorizing 10 month old Doberman puppies and their all-encompassing connivery, for which I know my poor brother Austen had no choice but to give in to his puppy-ness and behave like a crazed lunatic. Please help him grow to be a loving, calm, calm, calm, calm, calmmmmmmmmmmm adult, and please let him know that I, Princess B, am here to support him along the way. In your most precious name. Amen."

So, as we wait for The Monster to return from that most evil place this most fateful day, I curl up into my fluffy dog bed with utmost anticipation. I plan on being the most supportive big sister this side of the Mississippi, and it all starts in a matter of hours.

How do I plan on being supportive?

Well, I suppose I'll show Austen more affection, and I'll share some of my toys with him. I'll also give him my treats, because I know he won't be able to move. And, I also wont even try and steal his food, because I know he'll be hungry. I wont growl or try to nip at him, and I'll even give him an occasional lick, just so he knows I'm there for him.

Why do I plan on being supportive?

I fully invest in the old adage "what goes around comes around." And, I have a feeling that little Austen will probably have to be there for me one day. Who knows...maybe he'll even save my life. At least, that's what my Dad tells my Mom. And plus, like I've said in many a dogvotional before: better to be good to someone else than to wait on good to come to you. Pay it forward, in other words.

Well, that wraps it up for this week's dogvotional! I hope you all enjoyed my musings on "B"ing supportive. Really, "B"ing supportive is essential to your happiness...trust me. So, pick up the phone, write an email, do whatever you have to do to let someone know you're supporting them. Not only will you make someone else's day brighter, but your own as well.

You know where this leads us...


Please lift your right hand or right paw and repeat after me: "I, (state your name), promise to be supportive of another person this week. I promise to remember that in someone else's hard times, a supportive hand is all they need to feel better. I will try to make someone's life easier by being supportive of them. I promise to pass along the word of B: The Dogvotionalist to those who are deaf to her words, and will return next week for another dogvotional."

Until then, my fair readers, "B" supportive!
B: The Dogvotionalist