"B" New

Greetings, Dogvotionalists!

 Today, I would like to discuss a specific verse from "The Book of B:"

"When you're on the wrong road, blaze a new path."

Genius, right? I thought so, too. See, this verse describes perfectly what a friend of mine (we'll call her Lucy) is going through right now.

 Let me explain.

See, Lucy has always thought negatively of herself. Nothing was or is ever good, or good enough. She was never groomed well enough. Her bark was too raspy. And she was much too large for a female. She never saw the good in herself. And, so, one day when she didn't expect it, her boy-dog-friend had had enough of her negativity and depressed mood, and told her that he was leaving. Lucy was beside herself, she never realized that how she had been acting truly affected everything in her life.

See, this was Lucy going down the "wrong road." She was going down a road of self-centerdness and self-loathing, a road most certainly no one should ever go down.

And, so, after taking one day to shed puppy tears over her lost love, she gathered up herself and decided that the only way she was going to change was by making change herself.

 She blazed a new path, and never looked back.

And she has been happy ever since.

The moral of the story, dear dogvotionalists? Never accept the worst of your life as your forever. B the change you need for yourself!

I hope you enjoyed today's dogvotional. Please stay tuned for future editions.

As always, I would like to close with a "b-ediction."

Please raise your right paw, or hand, or other appendage as deemed necessary: "I, (state your name), have taken to heart today's dogvotional, and promise to B the change I need for myself, whatever that may be. I promise to blaze new paths in my life and leave all negativity behind. Thank you, Most Highest Supremest Dogvotionalist B for your wisdom and guidance. I shall follow you all the days of my life.
In B's name,
B-men."

Thank you for joining me today; I shall see you soon!
B: The Dogvotionalist

"B" Employed

Greetings my dear, dear dogsciples! It has been far too long, yet again, since we had our last dogvotional, but, alas, it is high time for another! Today we are discussing something very near and dear to my little doggie heart, and that is employment. See, I take my employment very seriously. I'm probably the most dedicated employee there ever was. See, I am employed as a lap dog...yes, very strenuous work, indeed. Why, yes, I do have a degree! Why do you ask? Anyway, I spend my 40 hour weeks delving into the laps of welcome visitors. Notice I said "welcome"....I'm not very fond of "unwelcome" visitors. Sometimes I try to bite them...but that's for another dogvotional. Back to the lap delving. Yes, I enjoy a good, nice lap to sleep my day away in. No lap? No bother! I enjoy the back of couches as well. I guess you could say I'm a professional sleeper. Tough job, but someone has to do it. See, my Grandpops was adamant that I find a job once I decided to move back to Jasper with my mom. And, believe me, I needed something to do with my time! So, I searched high and low, applied to and fro, but nothing seemed to come up. That is until one fateful day, my Grandpops, who was in an unrecognizably good mood, told me he would employ me as a lap dog, full-time. He would even pay me above minimum-wage! That's 10 dog treats an hour for you guys out there keeping tabs... So, here I am, a grown, full-time working dogvotionalist. I'm glad that I can pave my way into the future one nap-in-a-lap at a time! What were you supposed to get from this short dogvotional? That being employed is dog-wesome!! Yes, not only do you make a little money for yourself, but you keep out of Grandpops' hair as well. A big congratulations to my Scribe for accepting her job as well -- now she can stay out of Grandpops hair, too. Now, as we draw this dogvotional to a close, I ask that you raise your right hand (or paw), and repeat after me: "I, (state your name), do hereby claim employment in my life -- I will be employed either through action or thought, not necessarily for pay, but for pleasure. I will enjoy my employment and promise to help others out with employment as well. I will return again for another installment of B: The Dogovotionalist's dogvotionals and will until then remain happily, yes, happily, employed!" Thank you for joining me today for my "B" Employed dogvotional. I hope to see you all next week for our next installment. Until then, fair dogsciples, stay employed! B: The Dogvtionalist

"B" Open to Change

Greetings, dogsciples!

I know, it has been quite some time since I have last given any advice. You must be quite distraught. Do you know how to live without me? Obviously you do if you're reading this, but I'm sure it has had its perils.

On to business! We have a new dogvotional for the day, one that I deem very appropriate for our up and coming new month:

"B" Open to Change!

You like? I knew you would.

See, it is important to "B" open to change, because allowing change to happen in your life allows new opportunities to unfold. And with New Years just around the corner, it is only appropriate to "B" open to change so that you may stay steadfast and unwavering in your resolutions. While we're on the topic, what will be your New Year's resolution? Mine? Oh, you're too kind to ask. My New Year's resolution speaks strongly to my willingness to change. In fact, I must be open to change, or be faced with a perilous future. You see, I....I really hate to admit this....bite. Yes, dear readers, I am a biter. Not your average biter, mind you. I would describe myself as a connoisseur of the male variety. A glutton for men, if you will.

Before you judge, pray, hear my reasoning! See, dear readers, I am afraid of men. Yes. You read correctly. Men scare me. And, sometimes, when I am face-to-face with both a man and my fear, I react by snapping. I mean no harm, mind you, I'm just protecting myself should said man try to reach out and grab me. Heavens above, may no man ever reach out and grab me! Or you, for that matter, should you be afraid of men.

As fate would have it one wintery evening on a farm/ranch somewhere in the middle-of-nowhere surrounded by cows and horses and donkeys (gasp), I accidentally bit....my grandfather. Yes, I bit Ol' Pops. And let me tell you something, if you had to choose between biting Jesus or Ol' Pops, choose Jesus. Anywho, I bit him. And, as you can probably imagine, he wasn't too happy about that. I tried to apologize, but my English is only so-so, so I gave him the best, most apologetic puppy eyes I could muster up. It didn't work. The good thing about Ol' Pops, however, is that he doesn't hold a grudge. Or, I think he doesn't... Hopefully he doesn't... I really really really really hope he doesn't hold a grudge! (On a side note, I'd like to take this time to say how much I love Ol' Pops. He's really handsome, super smart and a great grandpops to me! No, Ol' Pops, this is not a ploy to get you to not hold a grudge against me................)

So, the moral of the story, which I'm sure, my dear intelligent readers, you already realized is that I must stop biting. You know, in all honesty, no one likes a biter. And, since I am in the public eye, I have to be liked. Ipso facto I must stop biting. Which, in essence, suggests that I must "B" open to change! See, everything relates in the end.

By "B"ing open to change, I will be presented with many new opportunities, perhaps like sitting in Ol' Pops lap someday! How cool would that be?! So, if you want new opportunities to come into your life, beautiful readers, you, too, must "B" open to change.

I'd like to take this time to thank my most diligent and faithful readers. In the words of Abilene, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." Yes, I believe that with all of my doggy heart, fair readers. Now, go out into this big, beautiful world of ours and "B" open to change!

I never like to end a dogvotional without having my readers repeat after me: (Please raise your right hand, or paw, or hoof...)
"I, (state your name), promise to "B" open to change this week. I will take B: The Dogvotionalist's advice and allow new opportunities to flow into my life. I also will not bite others. If I do have a biting problem, and need assistance, I will follow the directions at the end of this dogvotional. I will return next week to read more dogvotionals, and I will spread the news of B:The Dogvotionalist and her glorious wisdom far and wide. And, I will always remember, that 'I is kind. I is smart. I is important'...especially to B!"

You can put your hand down now.

Until then, fair readers.
B: The Dogvotionalist



If you or someone you know has a problem with biting,
please stop before someone gets hurt. That, or tape your mouth shut.

Just a suggestion.

Wordless Wednesday

B: The Dogvotionalist enjoying a photo-op moment


Austen aka The Monster frolicking among the trees


The Monster and big brother Luke taking a breather

Week 11 -- "B" Early

Greetings, fair readers.

Today we talk about a subject most dear and near to my little puppy heart..."B"ing early. Yes, you all know the importance of such a task, but I am here to emphasize it to all of you early birds, just in case you may have forgotten amidst your too comfy pillows and too warm covers.

Let me begin with a tale, A Tale of Two Dogs, if you will. Yes, we again resort to the use of "The Monster" in this short story; he seems to add the missing comic relief I so dearly need.

Alas, we begin.

Once upon a time, in a town situated on the wrong side of Interstate 45, in a subdivision devoid of any real beauty, there lived a most wonderful, glorious, elegant and STUNNING princess named B. See, I say this subdivision lacked really any beauty because this princess was far beyond beautiful, she was STUNNING...a true testament to anything truly beautiful. And, beyond being most STUNNING on the outside, she would go toe-to-toe against Mother Theresa on her piousness. A true saint. The only fault of Princess B was that she often times took her perfection as a curse, because so many others were vehemently envious of her. But, she was incapable of being bad or ugly, so she lived on in her pure goodness.

To tell the truth; however, Princess B did have one fault. One very, very ugly fault. The only thing ugly about her. Princess B had trouble "B"ing on time. Yes, Princess B was very often late. If you asked her "Why, Princess B?" She would only sweetly reply the same response every time: "While gazing at my beauty in the stream by our house, I became lost in my thoughts of the good acts I could perform for others! I simply lost track of time." And, thus, Princess B would forever be late, because she was always found doing the same thing: gazing at her beauty in the stream by her house, and thinking of the good acts she could perform for others.

Though it was not mentioned before, Princess B also has a mean, nasty little brother, The Monster. There was not a beautiful nor good thing about The Monster. He was despicable and had a permanent snarl on his face. He often times made fun of Princess B behind her back, "Oh, that Princess B...she's not all that wonderful, she's late wherever she goes!"

One day, while watching his parents fawn over Princess B's perfection, connived a plan against poor little B in order to make their parents hate her. You, see, dear readers, it is said that if something so perfect is hated by its guardians, then it will become ugly and mean. The Monster crossed his little paw fingers, hoping this would happen and that he would thusly emerge as the perfect son.

What was his plan, you ask? Well, for all of his horridness, The Monster is quite the planner. You see, in a day's time from his planning, their parents were having a renewal of their vows on their first wedding anniversary. Yes, a bit soon to renew vows, but never-the-less. Princess B was arranged to be the maid-of-honor, a very big roll, indeed. Luke, their older brother, was penciled in as the best man. And, The Monster? A mere acolyte.

You see, the only time Princess B is ever on time is when her parents need her to be somewhere. Late for a ball? Never. Not even fashionably. So, when her mother asked Princess B to be the maid-of-honor, B only beamed from both within and out, knowing that she would be on time and give a perfect performance.

Fast forward to 3am, the dawn of the vow renewal morning. Princess B lay elegantly placed under her bed's covers, sleeping as only an angel can. She had her secret weapon, her special alarm clock, placed on the other side of the room awaiting to wake the slumbering beauty.

A picture of her special alarm clock:




Like only a horrid, mean little brother can, The Monster snuck into her room and stole the special alarm clock. He then took it out to Princess B's gazing stream and quietly plunged it into its waters. The alarm clock was no more. What was the princess to do? The Monster quietly chuckled to himself, seeing Princess B's demise unfold before his eyes.

Now we are at the renewing of the vows ceremony, and everyone is in their place, except for poor Princess B. Her parents started to become quite agitated, and The Monster saw. He smiled from evil ear to ear. Was Princess B still sleeping? Had she forgotten all about her parents' precious event? Only time will tell...

Suddenly, after her parents had decided to place The Monster as his mother's maid of honor and overly praised him for his timeliness, Princess B emerged from the back of the room, sobbing and pleading for forgiveness. "I am so sorry for being late.." she cried. Her parents merely shook their heads, "Princess B, you only think of yourself! How selfish of you to not be on time." "But, I had my special alarm clock set at the end of the room so that I would be on time, I promise. It must have gone missing.." And then slowly, Princess B turned towards The Monster, smelling something suspicious. "Oh, dear, sweet, younger brother, I am envious of your ability to be on time everywhere you go...I will gladly play the role of acolyte if only to stand in the shade of your greatness." The Monster was beside himself..how could she be that perfect? Even though she knew exactly what he did, she didn't scold him or tell on him. The Monster began to speak, wanting to give himself up, but Princess B quieted him. "This is my lesson, dear brother. If I want to be truly perfect, I may first be on time."

And, thus the ceremony went on. Princess B made the most perfect acolyte ever, and her parents eventually forgave her tardiness for such a stellar performance.

Needless to say, The Monster never spoke badly of Princess B again. And Princess B? Well, Princess B realized the importance of "B"ing early, and has never been late since.

The End.

Dear readers, to know if this story is true or not, you will only have to decide for yourself. But, I'm sure you can all find it's meaning -- "B"ing early is important. Why? Well, because there are other people relying on you to be there on time. If you're not early, or at least on time, you are letting others down. And, in Princess B's quest to obtaining perfection, "B"ing late is simply not suitable.

So, please "B" early. I would hate for you to have as horrible a story as Princess B.

In conclusion, I would like to thank you all for taking the precious time out of your day to read my dogvotional. I hope, dearly, that it has enlightened you and that tomorrow, instead of pressing your snooze button thrice more, or covering your eyes will a pillow, you'll remember the story of Princess B and get out of bed and "B" early.

Please, gentle readers, raise your right hand, or right paw, and repeat after me: "I, most loyal reader of B's Dogvotionals take it upon myself today to 'B' early next week. I will make it to my daily events on time and in perfect fashion. I will strive to be more like B, though it feels impossible. Oh, B, great provider of weekly dogvotionals, I guide myself in your ways. Thank you for your wisdom. I promise to 'B' back next week for more dogvotionals, and will pass along B's wisdom wherever I may go."

Until next week, sweet ones, "B" early!
B: The Dogvotionalist

Wordless Wednesday

Greetings, all...since this is supposed to be "wordless" I'll make my monologue short.

Starting today, this very Wednesday, and continuing on throughout every other Wednesday to come, I shall now post pictures of myself for you, adoring fans, to view. Yes, I can feel your enthusiasm growing! What better way to spend a Wednesday than wordlessly looking at my pictures.

Today, only a single photo; I starve my dear readers' eyes only to prepare them for next week's delicacies:




Perfect, is it not?

Until tomorrow's dogvotional -- dream of me.
B: The Dogvotionalist

Week 10 -- "B" Truthful

B has decided to take this week off to bask in the sun and catch up on her non-needed beauty rest. As she lounges lazily on her favorite pillow sewn by her Nana (that of a houndstooth material which perfectly compliments B's very own coloring -- no doubt, a pillow chose on purpose), I, the most diligent scribe and adoring mother of B, now turn to a new bard. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Austen "The Monster" Terrell as our in-house dogvotionalist for week 10. May God help us all.

Let us begin...




(Cough, cough) Hi, guys! Um. I'm Austen? But, you probably already knew that. Most of my friends call me "The Monster." Well, no they don't. That's just my big sister, B. I don't think she likes me too much sometimes, but Mom says she's just being moody. Girls....can't live with them; can't live without them. Well, after being "fixed" a few weeks ago, Momma says I don't need girls no more. I don't know what all of this "fixed" business is about -- I mean, I wasn't broken! And why fix something that isn't broken? I guess I'll have to save that question for my big brother...he always catches me up on that stuff.

Anyways, Mom tells me that I have to write some sort of dogvotional? What's a dogvotional? Sounds pretty stupid to me. I'd much rather be jumping or running or barking or taking toys from everyone. I mean, writing? Boooooorrrrrriiiiinnnnggg. But, she says I'll be grounded if I don't do it - so I'm trying to put these big paws into typing action. Mom? This is ridiculous...my paw takes up like seven keys! I can't even type a letter without getting six more with it. Stupid...stupid..stupid... Fine! I'll do it.

Okay, so I've been thinking about what to write about for a really, really long time...like 5 whole minutes. You see, 5 minutes of my time is some major clockage. Normally I lose interest in things after only a few seconds...Oh boy, here I go again. Way off subject. Geeze, Mom, this really is dumb.

OKAY! I'm writing about "B"ing Truthful today. I don't know why I have to type "B" like that..I mean, B is nothing special. I'm the special one. I can do tricks and stuff, and what can B do? Sleep. Yeah. Sleeeeeeep. Not cool. I'm cool. I think this dogvotional thing should be called "The Word of Austen." Isn't that better? Yes? See, B, I'm cooler than you.

So, I'm talking about "B"ing Truthful today, like I said earlier. And, honestly, it's just good to be truthful. That way you don't get into trouble, like me...all the time. I have a real problem with telling the truth sometimes. Like, okay!! I'll confess...the other day it was muddy outside. And, I LOVE mud. I like to paw it especially. Just dig my paws into the mud and rub them all around in it. Well, anyway, magically the back door flew open...and there was no one there! No adult or anything. So, of course, I flew through the door, past the kitchen and plopped my muddy paws right onto my mom's freshly cleaned carpet. I then practiced my 360's but cutting sharp circles on that carpet. Man, was it fun. I don't know how this happened, but the carpet somehow began to change colors...from a beige-ish color to mud brown. I'm not saying it was my paws or anything....okay, yes I am. It was my muddy paws that made the carpet brown. But, no one saw me! And, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? Gotcha thinking up there, huh? Since no one saw me -- who was to say it was me? So, naturally, I put on my "Mr. Cool" persona, check my paws to make sure they're clean, and waltz back outside the still-open door to pretend like nothing happened.

When I heard Momma's fateful scream -- I already knew what to do. She ran outside to see which of us was to blame: "Austen!? Did you get my floor muddy?" Oh no, Momma, not this cool cat. And, I rolled on my back, pretending to be asleep. I even daintly left a pall pointing in my big brother Luke's direction as a suggestion.
"Luke! Heavens forbid it was my good boy Luke!" You know it, Momma, read 'em and weep. So, she put Luke into the kennel for some time out and I got some peanut butter on a treat for being such a wonderful doggie son. Oh, the life.

And, it all the glory was good...for a while. And then, I started to feel bad. Really, really bad. But, it isn't until on this dumb dogvotional that I have finally confessed. Momma! Do you hear me?? I confessed!! That's gotta be good for something right? Like a treat or something? No? Bonkers.

Seriously though, it's important to be truthful because it's the right thing to do. And, by the look on Momma's face right now, I know I'm gonna get it later. Dang. Oh well, I gotta practice what I preach! I think I'm going to be a little more truthful next time around...or maybe just stay out of the mud.

Now I'm supposed to do some thing where you raise your right hand? Okay? Okay. Raise your right hand, or paw, and repeat after me, Austen -- the cool one: "Oh great Austen, you are so wise and so courageous for admitting your faults. I wish to be more like you. I will pass along your wisdom to evey person or pet I see, and promise to be back next week, when B returns, for another enstallment of her dogvotionals."